After last year’s Home Alone- themed horror show, Aldi have decided to have another go at a rhyming Christmas ad, presumably on the principle that ‘we can’t do any worse’. Interestingly, they’ve chosen a Roal Dahl theme, which sets the bar really high for the quality of the poem. However, it appears they yet again burned their budget on the animation and forgot to save enough for quality writing and editing.
So, as with last year, I’ve volunteered my services to try and sort out the rhythmical mis-steps. I’ve had to take a guess at the rhyming structure – there are no fewer than ten different options on display – and given myself a strict 20-minute time limit.
Here’s the original (with the non-rhyming bits removed):
A magical Christmas Eve
the most wonderful time of year
five lucky winners waited
then William Conker appeared.
Inside, the Plumty Dumptys
prepared a big celebration.
Welcome to my world
of festive innovation!
The guests were told politely
they really mustn’t touch
but the greedy, gluttonous grape
didn’t listen very much.
The sulky, sour rhubarb
always put herself first.
It was just a matter of time
Before her bubble burst.
I want a ‘mince pie’ NOW!
Came a frosty shout
then she learnt her lesson
that spoilt little sprout.
Christmas isn’t selfish
it’s not all ‘me, me, me’.
Yet nobody had mentioned this
to the mischievous kiwi.
Only Kevin the Carrot
clearly understood
the true meaning of Christmas
and the importance of being good.
Seasonal goodwill
was truly in the air
for Christmas is a time
that’s sweeter when you share.
And here’s version 2:
On Christmas Eve five lucky winners
Waited at the gate
then Willy Conker shouted
‘Come on in, we can’t be late!’
Inside, the Plumty Dumptys
had prepared a celebration.
And Willy cried ‘behold my world
of festive innovation!’
The guests were told politely
That they mustn’t touch the food
but greedy grape ignored this,
which was really rather rude.
The sulky, sour rhubarb
thought that she should be put first,
It wasn’t very long, though
before her bubble burst.
I want a ‘mince pie’ NOW!
demanded spoilt little sprout.
She quickly learnt her lesson
that it doesn’t pay to shout.
The kiwi was too selfish
to fully pay attention
and ended up enveloped
in a sticky situation.
Kevin was the only one
who clearly understood
the true meaning of Christmas
and the reasons to be good.
Happiness and goodwill
were truly in the air,
for Christmas is a season
that is sweeter when you share.
Not my finest work, I’ll grant you, but 20 minutes isn’t long when you’re trying to decide what rhymes with ‘kiwi’, and the only thing you can think of is ‘Shewee’.
So, Aldi and Starcom (their ad agency), the offer still stands. Just let us know when you are planning your next rhyming ad and I’ll see if I can spare half an hour. For a fee, of course…