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  • pete6298

Oops, AL-DId it again...

After last year’s Home Alone- themed horror show, Aldi have decided to have another go at a rhyming Christmas ad, presumably on the principle that ‘we can’t do any worse’. Interestingly, they’ve chosen a Roal Dahl theme, which sets the bar really high for the quality of the poem. However, it appears they yet again burned their budget on the animation and forgot to save enough for quality writing and editing.

So, as with last year, I’ve volunteered my services to try and sort out the rhythmical mis-steps. I’ve had to take a guess at the rhyming structure – there are no fewer than ten different options on display – and given myself a strict 20-minute time limit.

Here’s the original (with the non-rhyming bits removed):

A magical Christmas Eve

the most wonderful time of year

five lucky winners waited

then William Conker appeared.

Inside, the Plumty Dumptys

prepared a big celebration.

Welcome to my world

of festive innovation!

The guests were told politely

they really mustn’t touch

but the greedy, gluttonous grape

didn’t listen very much.

The sulky, sour rhubarb

always put herself first.

It was just a matter of time

Before her bubble burst.

I want a ‘mince pie’ NOW!

Came a frosty shout

then she learnt her lesson

that spoilt little sprout.

Christmas isn’t selfish

it’s not all ‘me, me, me’.

Yet nobody had mentioned this

to the mischievous kiwi.

Only Kevin the Carrot

clearly understood

the true meaning of Christmas

and the importance of being good.

Seasonal goodwill

was truly in the air

for Christmas is a time

that’s sweeter when you share.

And here’s version 2:

On Christmas Eve five lucky winners

Waited at the gate

then Willy Conker shouted

‘Come on in, we can’t be late!’

Inside, the Plumty Dumptys

had prepared a celebration.

And Willy cried ‘behold my world

of festive innovation!’

The guests were told politely

That they mustn’t touch the food

but greedy grape ignored this,

which was really rather rude.

The sulky, sour rhubarb

thought that she should be put first,

It wasn’t very long, though

before her bubble burst.

I want a ‘mince pie’ NOW!

demanded spoilt little sprout.

She quickly learnt her lesson

that it doesn’t pay to shout.

The kiwi was too selfish

to fully pay attention

and ended up enveloped

in a sticky situation.

Kevin was the only one

who clearly understood

the true meaning of Christmas

and the reasons to be good.

Happiness and goodwill

were truly in the air,

for Christmas is a season

that is sweeter when you share.

Not my finest work, I’ll grant you, but 20 minutes isn’t long when you’re trying to decide what rhymes with ‘kiwi’, and the only thing you can think of is ‘Shewee’.

So, Aldi and Starcom (their ad agency), the offer still stands. Just let us know when you are planning your next rhyming ad and I’ll see if I can spare half an hour. For a fee, of course…

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